MacKay Unleashed

President Harper has called in the Human Society after Fawning Affairs Minister Peter MacKay slipped off his leash - AGAIN - and bit his former girlfriend Belinda Stronach on the ankle during a nasty exchange in the Commons dog pound.

Reports out of the nation's capital say the jilted MacKay barked loudly enough off microphone to prompt hearing-impaired MPs to jump to their feet to demand an apology. The source of their shock and awe was MacKay's rabid outburst towards the auto parts trillionaire. He called her a dog, though he did not mention a particular breed.

MacKay and Stronach used to share pillow talk until she kneed him in the twins by joining the Liberal Party. A heart-broken MacKay put on his rubbers and rushed back to his mommy's farm in Nova Scotia to mourn the break-up in private.

While standing in a sodden patch, he rented a neighbour's pooch, summoned the local TV station, waved a pitchfork and gave his best Harlequin impression of a lost boy whose best friend just shagged his chick in the other room while he was cracking open some chilled Moosehead in the kitchen.

The Kodak moment was broadcast nationally, winning the skirt chaser sympathy from a horde of groupies, including a certain U.S. Secretary of State who beelined to Atlantic Canada to hold his hands and rub his tummy.

MacKay has become a constant source of embarrassment to the President, a cat lover. Things are so bad at the Fawning Affairs Department a dentist has been hired full-time to extract MacKay's foot from his over used mouth.

MacKay's latest slip of the tongue is not going over well in the White House North bunker. President Harper is so outraged, say sources, that he has instructed his most trusted republican advisers to cobble together legislation that would make it legal for gun-toting republican-conservatives to shoot any canine off leash.

Who let the dogs out. Indeed.