Egg Lands On Head Of Bird Brain Sparrow

Politicos of the non Republican Conservative brand were still pissing themselves today after the cock-up of nuclear comical proportions that played out in downtown Ottawa on Sunday, ending on a fire escape at the Sheraton Hotel.

The only thing missing was a net to jump into for the comedy trio of Ryan Sparrow, a name that aptly fits his brain size, Doug Finley, the impish lout who bullies candidates and is married to RayBan promoter Diane Finley, and some no-name lawyer who is probably asking himself today why he didn't become a pharmacist.

At the centre of the punchline was a "secret" plan to invite select media to a briefing to discuss the potential fines and prison sentences facing senior members of the Republican Conservative party for buying the 2006 election with an illegal advertising scam known as In and Out.

The little secret turned out to be a raging exercise in damage control after dozens of non-invited members of the National Press Gallery got wind of the plot and stormed a downtown hotel where the one-on-one meetings were too take place.

But then when Republican Conservatives learned their diabolical strategy to further endear themselves with the Fourth Estate was uncovered they moved the location to the Sheraton Hotel from the Lord Elgin Hotel thinking no one would notice.

The non-invites easily got wind of that change and headed to the Sheraton where the three above-mentioned Republican Conservatives were caught with their pants down , red-faced and flat-footed except when they raced out of the room through a gauntlet of uninvited media and scurried down a fire escape screaming: I want my mommy.

All further one-on-one meetings with select media were cancelled.

Blood Not Running To MacKay's Pea-Sized Brain

Peter MacKay, son of Elmer Fudd MacKay and love interest of a senior CTV (Conservative Television Viewing) news executive in Toronto, continues to stumble as Defence Minister.

After being fired as Foreign Affairs minister for a series of foot-in-mouth gaffes, the man who likes to call ex girlfriends bitches hasn't done much better in his latest portfolio.

One pundit recently compared him to Gordon O'Connor, the doting senior who was fired as defence minister for his own series of embarrassing screw-ups. The Reaper is usually not to far away when they start comparing you to O'Connor.

MacKay is now blaming the Liberals for cost over-runs in the President Harper-led war in Afghanistan. Obviously, the helmet MacKay wears is too tight.

You are in government moron. Have been for more than two years.

It's your budget. It's your wreckless spending. It's your stupid cuts to consumption taxes.

You should be blaming Big Jim Flaherty, the same Mike Harris neo-con who left Ontarians with a $5.5 billion deficit after the provincial Republican Conservatives were turfed from office.

Don't forget MacKay comes from the same party that left Canadians with a $42 billion deficit in 1993.

Now he's pimping for the homophobe Harper government as it inches closer to yet another Conservative deficit. Harper has totally screwed up the country's finances.

Women Hate Harper, and Kenney and Baird and Poilievre and Van Loan.

A new poll this week shows just how brilliant Canadian women are. Forty per cent of them hate Harper and his army of women-bashing knuckle draggers.

The best thing going for the Liberals right now is Peter Van Loan jumping to his feet in the daily Question Period slobbering over one thing or another in a voice so shrill it makes one want to gag.

Watching the mean-spirited buffoon in his frumpy attire has become an exercise in repulsiveness. Simply put, the worm is a turn-off to women. Men tune out as well.

Then there's Fred Flintstone double Jason Kenney, another Reform reject who can make lizard skin crawl.

And the nasty Pierre Polievre has the same magnatism that makes women want to shower every time he opens his juvenile pie hole.

And let's not forget the cartoonish John Baird, the international spokesman for hair weave products and climate change denier.

We salute you cavemen. Thanks for making women wretch.

Rahim Jaffer's Second Thoughts

Former coffee baron Rahim Jaffer is apparently having second thoughts about his impending ball and chain deal with the ditzy Helena Guergis, the airhead flunky who has lost the confidence of President Harper, a cat lover.

Guergis and Jaffer have been an item for many months in Ottawa and the late-night legovers with the former blonde bimbo got to the better of the rampant stick man.

Like the many fools in the President's caucus, he proposed to the mindless G-string after downing a 12-pack of Red Stripe and a tray of tequila shooters.

It took months for the hangover to go away. When Jaffer awoke from his drunken slumber he realized the nightmare was only beginning.

And things have only gotten worse.

Guergis has been under daily attack for being an abject failure as the junior foreign affairs minister in stockings and garters.

While Liberals were actively pushing the case of a jailed Canadian in a Mexican prison - even visiting Brenda Martin in jail - Guergis was munching on canapes and swilling margueritas a few kilometres from the prison where Martin is incarcerated.

Her outlandish, reckless and uncaring behaviour caught the attention of the hapless Harper. Harper was so pissed at Guergis, he assigned Fred Flintsone's double to the Martin file to try and fix the mess she created.

Of course, Jason Kenney used the opportunity to aquaint himself with the tasty Taco.

And to further bring shame upon herself, Guergis and the mouth that keeps on giving whined to the media this week that she can't pick a date for her wedding because Liberal Leader Stephane Dion refuses to bring down the All The Presidents Men.

What a fucking airhead.

Her exact quote: "Why don't you call Stephane Dion and ask when we are going to have an election so I can set a wedding date?" she asked a reporter in her Ontario riding last week.

Now you see why Jaffer is having second thoughts.