NDP Lures Puppets To Run As Candidates.

Jack-in-the-box-Layton has stooped to a new low to recruit candidates to run for the dipsy doodlers.

The NDP has had difficulty finding PEOPLE to run for a party that lost its ideological soul years ago. The traditional support from unions has also faded.

Layton is a big city boy who would rather speak about "Big Ass" in Parliament than issues that once used to unite the party of poncho wearers.

But not all is doom and gloom.

The party has recruited a pair of puppets to carry the orange in the next election once the writ is dropped. That's right. Puppets.

Toxic Timmy, a recovering heroin addict puppet and Ms. O'Thelioma, a crackhead former hooker puppet, have been enlisted by the NDP as star candidates to save the party from the political wasteland.

Republican Conservative Dipper Patsy Martin and House of Commons benchmate Catherine Bell introduced the puppets at a news conference Friday in Ottawa.

After the howls of laughter subsided, Martin caused more fits of laughter when he suggested puppets always stay on message and don't eat much.

"Puppets make good candidates," said Martin, who lives in British Columbia but represents a federal seat in Manitoba.

"Like me they will bend over backwards when Minister of Hot Air and Carbon Emmissions John Beard tugs his zipper."

While Martin was praising his puppet candidates, the International Association of Puppateers (IAP) issued a cease and desist order to the NDP.

"We will not allow puppets to be prostituted in this way," the IAP said.

"Puppets have feelings and we feel the PEOPLE puppets already in Parliament, including the likes of Patsy Martin, John Beard, Fred Flinstone Kenney, Diaper Boy Poilievre and Doris Day, are doing a fine job of screwing things up.