Summer Tips For President Harper

President Harper can hide behind his blush and crystal balls, but what he should really be doing is preparing for the long, hot summer that awaits him and his flock of Republican Conservative sheep.

Here a few suggestions on what the lesser President, a cat lover, should do if he wants the growing hostility Canadians feel towards him to abate: Just kidding, that won't happen, but here are some tips anyways:

(1). Take a three-week course in anger management. You are one pissed off mother.... You scare children.

(2).Use some Windex on your crystal ball. The messaging you are receiving from your taxpayer paid for personal psychic is obviously clouded (like your judgment).

(3).Go back to Stornoway and dig up the cat you buried in the garden at the end of the laneway (on the right side as you look up from the street).

(4).Use more blush or start telling the truth. That crease down the right side of your face gets deeper everytime you lie. While your at it, use sweat resistant make-up so you don't look like a stuck pig on the BBQ circuit.

(5). Have a garage sale at the cat mansion at 24 Sussex Drive. Invite a puppy.

(6). Go to Nova Scotia for a vacation. The sea air will do you good. Then go to Newfoundland and Labrador. Catch a ride on a ice floe. Smack a seal pup.

(7). Force John Beard to fess up with his mother. Tell her John John who you really are and why you like lollipops.

(8). Hug your children. Handshakes are for sissies.

(9). Extra lean ground beef is the way to go. Dude, your midsection.

(10).If you are looking for a new chauffeur, you should consider the crash test retread you sponsor on the CRASHCAR Series.

(11). Use your influence to get Peter MacKay and Gerard Keddy onto Ellesmere Island to assert Canadian sovereignty. Both will have a lot of time on their hands after the next election and could do Canada proud up North.

(12). No public outings in a thong.

(13). Go to Toronto and take a deep breath. That's your environment plan at work.