Chubby Shot Irks President Harper

Canadians are being swamped today with requests from Republican Conservatives everywhere to send any unused portions of Slim Fast to the White House North bunker in Ottawa.

It seems President Harper, a climate denying cat lover, blew a gasket this morning over a stack of pancakes when a news clip dripping in maple syrup, whipped cream and John Beard's hair weave crossed his plate.

The article quoted several Hollywood sources that the President is beefing up to play Fat Bastard in the next Austin Powers flick.

There is also talk on another movie set that the President is considering reprising his role as Jabba the Hut in another installment of Star Wars.

And there are rumblings that City of New Orleans is considering using the President as a human dyke to prevent the kind of flooding that sunk the city when Hurricane Katrina blew through in 2005.

Those around the President say he is so big now after doing nothing in office for more than a year he gets his own Zip code. Apparently he beeps when he walks backwards. And there is a lot of beeping going on in the bunker.

Harper's tantrum over his weight has even prompted a call from Dr. Phil to see if the President wants to share his story on air.

One thing is for sure, those responsible for official residences in Ottawa should install a gym at Stornoway for the President's eventual return as Opposition leader.