Firing Squad Awaits O'Connor At Dawn

Former arms lobbyist Gordon O'Connor is taking his final breaths today as Minister of Military Failure.

Ottawa is rife with speculation President Harper's hand-picked war mongerer is about to face a public firing squad for dereliction of duty and forgetting to buy Timbits at the last cabinet electric shock retreat.

The Republican Conservative cabinet's weakest link is quietly saying his goodbyes to floor washers at the Department of National Defence before he is sent to Afghanistan, covered in poppies, strapped to a tank and sent into the heart of Taliban territory.

Taliban commanders said from Afghanistan they have no need for O'Connor, but if Harper wanted to throw in a bag of Tim Horton's coffee and some chili in a bun they would reconsider.

''We hear the O'Connor person left a big mess back in Canada,'' said a Taliban chieftain.

''We will use him to pick up camel dung and clean the stalls of our goats. But we want the coffee and chili first. Your president is a known liar.''

While O'Connor contemplates his fate, his staff are shooting off their mouths around town that their boss is stronger, safer and better than anyone else on the front benches of a regressive Republican Conservative regime.

Even O'Connor is telling anyone in earshot that he is staying put.

(How can the lesser President, a cat lover, leave an anglo embarrassment in job when he will need a defence minister who can speak French to explain to Quebecers why their sons and daughters died on the battlefield.)

Yeah, you're staying put O'Connor.