Beard Stinks Up The Place

Minister of Hot Air and Global Warming John Beard stunk up Toronto today by announcing funding for an idiot index to guage how disastrous the Republican Conservative environmental plan really is.

Decked in an air mask and surrounded by male dancers in leopard skin tights handing out condoms, Beard, one of the architects of the Walkerton, Ont., environmental disaster when he was a cabinet flunkie under Mike Harris, was joined at Live Smogfest by co-Walkerton defendant Tony Millhouse Clement.

The only other Harris retread and Walkerton architect missing from the idiot index launch was Minister of Income Trusts Big Jim Flaherty.

All Three Stooges sat at the cabinet table when decisions were made to pull the plug on government funding to test water in Ontario as part of cost cutting.

While Beard stumbled his way through the announcement (a rough night we expect at one of his favourite leather bars the night before), at least Clement spoke the truth to the three people who showed up for the announcement.

Clement said air pollution is a problem that is getting worse because of the inaction of President Harper, a cat lover, who was in B.C. to announce the construction of an armada of Artic jet skis armed with sling shots to patrol the North in 2098.

Problem with the ice-breaker announcement is that by the time the ships are built, adventurers will be able to paddle a kayak through the Northwest Passage and hug a hungry polar bear.

They are all Knuts.