Baird Goes To Bali To Boink? Who?

Much chatter on the snow-covered streets of the capital today about Minister of Environmental Disasters John Baird's upcoming vacation to Indonesia.

The spokesman for hair weave products, sources say, is planning a rapid departure out of Ottawa in advance of an environmental summit in Bali in mid-December so he can spend four or five days prowling the hotspots of the surfer's paradise.

Baird was recently spotted at a downtown Zellers loading up on gel, lotions, sandals and a leopard thong for the taxpayer-funded vacation he is planning to take.

Others say, however, Baird wants to slip out of Canada before the Ontario Provincial Police come knocking at his door with a search warrant.

Baird has been fingered as a key player in Ottawa Mayor Larry O'Brien's bribery scandal.

O'Brien is in the shit house after allegations surfaced another candidate in last year's mayor's race was offered a bribe to quit the race.

While O'Brien denies any wrongdoing, the likes of Baird, Conservative diaper boy Pierre Poilievre, John Reynolds and Doug Finley - both confidants of President Harper - are also linked to the growing scandal that could cost O'Brien his job and trigger a byelection for a new mayor.

Stay tuned. We hear sirens in the distance.