Republican Conservative Matriarch Dies

Sad news outta Ottawa today.

President Harper ordered all flags atop government buildings lowered after news tore through the town about the party's matriach dying.

Famous for teaching sign language, Washoe The Chimp, died of natural causes Tuesday night, according to Roger and Deborah Fouts, co-founders of the Chimpanzee and Human Communications Institute.

The 42-year-old monkey was famous in Republican Conservative circles, according to those who knew the banana lover.

"She will be missed," a despondent Republican Conservative MP said today. "She brought joy and laughter to our caucus."

Many credit Washoe with the communications strategy behind the lesser President's shaky hold on power and his loving relationship with the National Press Gallery.

"She lifted our spirits everytime she came to Ottawa," said an MP.

"Everone knows we are under strict orders not to speak to the media, but no one said anything about using sign language."

Washoe's most famous student in caucus is diaper boy Pierre Poilievre, who was given an A recently for giving the finger to Opposition MPs in the House of Commons.

When news of Washoe's death reached the prepubescent MP, Poilievre cried like the baby he is.