Health Warning

The Centers for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of a Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and is pronounced "gonna reelect him."

Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: antisocial personality disorders (Republican-Conservative caucus), delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones (President Harper), extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, xenophobia, paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for one's own actions (Pollution Minister Rona Ambrose anf Fawning Affairs Minister Peter McMouth MacKay)), cowardice masked by misplaced bravado (Treasury Board Bully John Beard) uncontrolled facial smirking (Treasury Board Bully John Beard), ignorance of geography and history (Public Safety Pin Minister Stockwell Day), tendencies towards evangelical theocracy (Fred Flintstone double Jason Kenney), and categorical all-or-nothing behavior (Republican-Conservative caucus).

Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.

Scientists say they have developed an extreme vaccine to contain it before Republican-Conservatism spreads any further in Canada. The New England Journal of Medicine called the vaccine Stephen Harper, aka President Harper.