President Harper Red In Face

President Harper was red-faced in the House of Commons today.

Red with rage, red with Liberal envy. Whatever, he was redder than we've seem him in a long time.

Hill watchers were speculating what was up with the lesser President, a cat lover.

"There is something wrong with him," said one. "He looks like a beet," said another.

The lesser President and the stooges around him won't talk about health issues, but sources have whispered that he is suffering from hinges, a painful condition brought on by meglomaniasm and illusions of grandeur of becoming the Supreme Commander.

Being a dick comes to mind, but we digress.

Conservative sources say the lesser President cancelled a cat shearing contest at the last minute over the spring break, citing the fact that if he couldn't wear a tight leather vest and a clown-sized cowboy hat he would stay at the Ottawa cat mansion and sulk.

With a health blackout imposed around Harper, one can only speculate as to why his face was so red in the Commons during Question Period: Some thoughts.

(1)A bad weekend under a sun lamp.
(2)He filmed a spot for McCain's pizza. Looking into an oven.
(3)He got a rash from his cat Cheddar.
(4)A paint bomb exploded in his face.
(5)He's embarrassed by the lack of talent on his front bench.
(6)Minister Responsible for Hot Air and Global Warming John Beard grabbed his crotch.
(7)Assholes are always red in the face.
(8)Blood rushed to his head after awaking from his pre QP nap.
(9)The man girdle he wears to appear, er, buff, was tied to tightly.
(10)Laureen had just sent him a note, saying Baird and she were joining the Hell's Angels and leaving him in their exhaust. Both vanity licence plates read: Fuck global warming.