Doris Day Pens Yet Another Doozy (Deusie)

Public Safety Pin Minister Doris Day can't help himself.

Like a baby that needs regular diaper changes, the jet-ski enthusiast and Niagara River wrong-way raftsman can't stop sending dumbass missives on his home computer late at night when everyone else is in bed.

The Canadian Alliance leadership reject was at it again today, pounding on his Playskool keyboard in a desperate attempt to convince the rank and file of the RCMP to support his and President Harper's hand-picked crony to lead the Horsemen.

You can bet your grandmother's sagging behind that Billy Bob Elliot, a Republican Conservative hack picked by Doris and the cat lover to run the embattled national force, does not know what it's like to have "a hardened criminal stare him in the face."

That's what Day wrote to 26,000 members of the RCMP.

Twenty-four thousand wrote back: "Are you a fucking moron."

Elliot, a non-cop outsider, wouldn't know a crime if he stumbled across one. And all this Republican Conservative spin about Elliot's knowedge of national security issues is complete bull.

Word on the street is that Elliot knows more about National Lampoon films than national security.

This is the same dim bulb who reduced the Canadian Coast Guard to three canoes, a leaky air mattress and a pair of rubber boots.

And typical of the government, like all screw-ups in the higher ranks, he was continually promoted even higher within the bloated bureaucracy until he landed last week as the head trumpeter at the Musical Ride.

But we digress.

While Elliot will face nothing but the cold shoulder from those under his charge, it's the embarrassing antics of Day that need further scrutiny.

Doris is a Creationist luddite who champions global warming because one day (as he has written) when Victoria Island and Vancouver are submerged under rising seas he'll have an ocean-side view from his mountainside home.

Day also wants to arm summer student border guards, kill the gun registry, reverse same-sex legislation, turn the clock back on abortion, and erect a 100-metre statue in honour of his true God - Barney.

Canadian security is in safe hands folks.

You can sleep easy tonight knowing that the country's top Keystone Cop will be banging the keys of his kiddie computer that bring so much joy to so many.