O'Connor's Final Breath

The folly around Ottawa that is known as Gordon O'Connor has reached new heights.

The front-bench disgrace is apparently about to take his last tank ride as President Harper faces mounting pressure from within his muzzled caucus to launch the shell-shocked defence minister to the obscurity of the back benches, or beyond.

O'Connor's own defence of why he has repeatedly mislead the House of Commons over his handling of paying for funerals of our fallen soldiers in Afghanistan proves why the former military lobbyist has got to go - and soon.

If, as he says, he instructed his department to fix the problem months ago then why are grieving parents coming forward to say otherwise.

The truth is the department has lost all confidence in O'Connor and refuse to carry out his orders. That alone is enough to dump him.

Whispers on the front lines also suggest Rick Hillier, the overly political chief of defence staff, is becoming increasingly disillusioned by the late-night phone calls to come to O'Connor's rescue everytime he screws up.

Stay tuned. We hear a tank rumbling in the not too distance future.

TSN Caves To Caveman President Harper

TSN bingo caller Gord Miller embarrassed himelf and the network last night by prostituting himself for a chance to watch the Ducks beat the Senators at the cat mansion at 24 Sussex Drive.

Having first refused repeated requests (see item below) from the mimes at the White House North bunker to send a television crew to the limestone mansion for a photo-op, Miller caved to the pressure and bunkered down with President Harper, his family and a security detail of cats to watch the Sens lose.

Thankfully for Canadian hockey fans, video of the lovefest will be broadcast Saturday night on TSN.

The good news is that Game 4 of the series airs around the same time on CBC so Canadians won't have to retrieve their barf bags.

Harper will do anything to prop up his sagging popularity except make himself available to members of the National Press Gallery.

He has given more face time to sports journalists than the men and women responsible for reporting on the hidden agenda of a Republican Conservative government.

Canadians aren't stupid Mr. President.

You can hide behind a puck, but you can't hide from the reality that YOU SUCK.

A Desperate PMO Told To Puck Off By TSN

Desperate for attention, President Harper's minions in the White House North bunker are still smarting today after TSN told them to piss up a hockey stick.

The wankers around the lesser President, a cat lover, had the gall to call Gord Miller at TSN last week to ask if the sports channel could send a crew over to the cat cemetery at 24 Sussex on Monday, June 4 for Game 5 of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Yet another photo-op for the man who runs away from Canadians, but wears make-up and talks to the dead.

Harper, of course, has been interviewed more times on TSN than he has by members of the National Press Gallery in Ottawa. The yellow stripe on his back brightens every time he gets asked a question.

TSN smartly refused the desperate plea for attention and told those who called to try the psychic hotline next time.

President Harper A Zero

Some leaders have what it takes to be a ZERO.

President Harper is one of those leaders.

Cut from the same loin cloth as his war mongering American Idol in Washington, the lesser President knows all about ZEROS.

Just look at his cabinet. ZEROS across the board.

Take a look at his policy on Afghanistan. More ZEROS.

Look at his environmental policy. ZEROS again.

John Bully Beard. A dead ringer for a ZERO.

Women, children, aboriginals, students. All ZEROS in the lesser President's eyes.

Some leaders have what it takes to be a ZERO.

President Harper is one of them.

President Harper's Media Garden Party Sucked Big One

Members of the National Press Gallery stayed away in droves yesterday evening from President Harper's media garden party at the cat cemetery at 24 Sussex Drive.

The collective FUCK YOU surprised few considering the lesser President's frosty relationship with the media and his utter disdain for democracy, freedom of speech, humour and ice cream.

Some of the biggest names in the Ottawa media bubble opted not to mingle with Harper, his Harley queen, and the many cats that now patrol the grounds as a security detail.

How Do You Spell Pathetic? Harper's PMO

Much laughs around Parliament Hill water fountains today after the Republican Conservative spin machine (a tricycle) made fools of themselves, yet again.

The mindless mimes over at the White House North bunker had the gall to issue a statement chastising Liberal Leader Stephane Dion for not making himself available to media on a recent swing through Peterborough.

The outright lie was exposed for what it was, and a quick check of the record shows that media did in fact have access to Dion as they do on an almost daily basis -sometimes twice daily.

What they didn't have access to was a closed-door round table.

Harper on the other hand - like his muzzled cabinet seals - runs away from the media. Just look at the yellow stripe down his back.

In fact, the lesser President, a cat lover, is so scared of the media and access that he has ordered the dark-suited dimwits he employs to stay away from downtown pubs for fear of letting loose lips sink his already listing ship.

And last week, the rubes in his office and ministerial staffers were ordered to remove themselves from the Internet social network known as Facebook.

So when one talks about open access, one need look no futher than Dion.

As for President Harper, get a flak jacket that fits next time you pop by Afghanistan for a photo op.

Where the hell was your stylist/psychic. You looked like Colonel Klink out there.

President Harper's Armed Gang That Can't Shoot Straight

President Harper has brought the Wild West to the doorstep of Parliament with an advisory body of gun-toting misfits who have been deputized to kill gun control in Canada.

An exposé in the Toronto Star today has sent shockwaves through urban Canada as the lesser President looks for ways to make it easier for his gunslinging followers to arm themselves in the best Timothy McVeigh fashion.

Harper is a big fan of guns, tanks, war, Gomer Pyle and the phrase: Go ahead, make my day!

The jilted cat lover (Why did you leave me Cheddar?) has rubber-stamped an advisory body with a mandate to put a gun in the hand of every Canadian.

So it's no wonder the likes of Dr. Mike Ackerman, a Dirty Harry wannabe but more like a Gunsmoke Festus, are on the panel secretly assembled by Public Jet Skiing Minister Doris Day.

His comments below pretty much sum up the mandate of right-wing gang that can't shoot straight.

"If even one per cent of the students and staff at Virginia Tech had been allowed to exercise their right to self defense, then this tragedy would have been stopped in its very beginning and dozens of lives would have been saved," the trigger-happy medicine ball wrote in a letter published in April.

"There are never any mass killings at shooting ranges; only at schools and other so-called 'gun-free zones,' " he continued.

A copy of the panel's mandate was leaked to The Pain.

Among other things, the panel of gunpowder snorting Republican Conservatives has been asked to look at getting rid of:

(1) Police. No need for cops when Canadians can just point and shoot to settle their differences.

(2) Shooting ranges. The neighbor's garbage cans are closer.

(3) Kevlar vests. They would stop a bullet.

(4) Divorce court. Settle it with a slug.

Welcome to President Harper's version of U.S.A. north folks.

Liberal MPs Given Pepper Spray To Defend Against Rabid Tories

The Speaker of the House of Comedy summoned Republican Conservative irritant and all-round lady's man Peter Van Lunatic to his chambers to today for a dressing down, of sorts.

Van Loonie, the latest Republican-Conservative poster boy for ineptitude, lying and why politicians shouldn't buy suits from Sears, was given a stinging weenie rapping from Commons Speaker Peter Milliken for letting a rabid dog loose in the House.

The annoying House leader was also given a leash to pass on to Ottawa-area Republican-Conservative MP Royal Jelly Galipeau after the former Liberal wannabe jumped from the Republican front benches and raced up three rows of Liberal seats to maul and bark at Liberal MP David McGuinty in the Commons on Wednesday.

McGuinty is recovering after a painful series of shots.

Galipeau went postal after McGuinty rightly pointed out that he (and the rest of the Republican caucus) sat on his (their) hands when President Harper blindly took an axe to programs like Court Challenges that have been used successfully to keep the emergency ward open at the francophone Montford Hospital in Ottawa.

Galipeau, not a friend of the federal tax man, should be admitted to a special ward at the hospital for MPs Gone Bananas.

Liberal MPs, on the other hand, were given canisters of pepper spray and cattle prods to defend against anymore attacks that may be launched from the other side.

Harper Gets Free Skin Care Products

Much hilarity at Revlon Canada today after the CIA, Swiss Guard, RCMP, OPP, City of Ottawa cops, paramedics, fire trucks, bomb disposal units, SPCA, FBI and MI5 swooped down on President Harper's cat mansion at 24 Sussex Drive on Sunday night.

The emergency overkill was prompted, according to sources, when a make-up salesman dropped by the lesser President's cat lair to sell the not so great man some new skin care products.

Everbody has heard by now how the lesser President likes to wear make-up and eyeliner and frilly underwear and employs (on the taxpayer dime) a make-up/psychic to keep him red in the face.

An eager cosmetics salesman saw a golden opportunity in the President's keen interest in gels, foundation and blush that he decided to pop by the mansion to make a pitch.

Unfortunately, no one was home when he rang the bell. The Mounties, of course, were asleep somewhere on the property and could not be roused from their slumber.

Down, but not out, the salesman tossed his bag over the gate with a note asking the lessser President to try some of his products and get back to him if he wanted to make a purchase.

Then he walked away and all hell broke loose when red-faced Mounties awoke from their nap. They thought the bag contained a bomb and sounded a Red Alert.

The rest is history.

Republican-Conservative Watch Boobies On Laptop

You can learn a lot about MP's by what's on their desks in the House of Commons.

Very easy to spot the morons from the dorks from the serious MPs.

Case in point, thanks to my spies in the gallery in the House of Commons.

Today, Republican Conservative MPs' Gordon Brown and his colleague Gary Goodyear showed why some MPs are a waste of space. And we will include Rahim Jaffer in the grouping of backbench wastelanders.

Brown was watching replay footage of the planes hitting the twin towers on his laptop computer. Over and over, Brown watched the planes crash into the World Trade Centre. Freak.

Goodyear, on the other hand, was leafing through a copy of Canadian History for Dummies. We kid you not. He's a self-admitted dummy when it comes to Canadian history.

And then there was Rahim Jaffer today watching a video of a woman with large boobs on his computer in the Commons. And floppy was stirring under his desk with Helena Barbie Guergis only a few seats away. Problems on the home front Rahim?