Baird SUCKS in Bali;Canada An International Joke

Fossil of the Day--and Year!

Third place goes to the UNITED STATES and JAPAN The USA and Japan win the third-place fossil nod (or, rather, disapproving head-shake) for their insistence—right through the night of the 13th—on keeping the range of 2020 emissions cuts for developed countries out of the Bali road map. It appears the US and Japan want a road map to nowhere. Coal for them!

Second place goes to THE UNITED STATES of AMERICA

The United States grabs a richly deserved second place fossil for behaving, over the last day, as though it were on another planet. Specifically: James Connoughton, chairman of President Bush’s Council on Environmental Quality, announced yesterday that “The US will lead, and we will continue to lead, but leadership also requires others to fall in line and follow.” And how did the US try to lead last night? By trying to scrap the Kyoto Protocol, proposing that the US be held to the same requirements as a developing country. The Bush administration, sadly, is showing no signs of developing.

Dishonourable mention: AUSTRALIA’S DELEGATION

Australia’s delegation to the summit receives a dishonourable mention tonight for their behavior throughout the last two weeks—doing a terrible job of representing an Australian public that clearly voted for vastly stronger action to confront climate change. Is it any surprise that many delegation members are holdovers from the Howard government? Time for some fresh faces, Australia—we don’t want to have to tap your coal supplies for next year’s Fossil Awards!

First place goes to CANADA

Canada scorches its way to the final first-place Fossil dishonours for its performance at the last two “Friends of the Chair” minister-level negotiation sessions—specifically, for NOT SHOWING UP. Environment Minister Baird is apparently so busy at the climate change negotiations that he can’t be bothered to do any climate change negotiating. It’s just the fate of the planet in the balance, after all.

Which brings us to the Fossil of the Year—the one, the only, the legendary COLOSSAL FOSSIL.

And the winner? A TIE! The United States, long-time champion—and Canada, behaving like a 51st State in George W. Bush’s America! Stephen Harper, congratulations—you’ve matched the master, and isolated Canada from the rest of the world by recklessly blocking progress in the fight against climate change. Your prize? A year’s supply of shame.

Conservatives Give New Meaning To Pathetic

Have you ever seen a chicken with a firecracker shoved up its arse. No. Well take a look at Harper's Republican Conservatives.

The right-wing lunatics and Mulroney fan club members were all in a tizzy yesterday after Mulroney's lame appearance before a Commons committee.

Thet seized on comments by a founding member of the separatist movement in Quebec who suggested on the Conservative Television Network (CTV) that the CBC wrote questions for Liberal MP Pablo Rodriguez.

Complete bullshit.

But let's take a look at the source of the fabrication.

Jean Lapierre. Mouthpiece for TVA. He indirectly works for Mulroney, who sits on the board of Quebecor, which owns TVA and other media outlets that conveniently ignore the Mulroney story.

And who did Lapierre utter his fabrication to. Mike Duffy, a long-time pal of Mulroney and chief TV spokesperson for the Harper Conservatives.

Case closed.

Except Mulroney has still not explained his lobbying role on the wireless telecomminications file. What is known is that Quebecor stands to gain the most through deregulation.

So we ask again Mulroney. How many times did you meet former Industry Minister Maxime Bernier to lobby on this file?

Mulroney Nose Grows As Lies Grow

When is a retainer not a retainer? When the guy who gave it to you gets arrested by the cops.

So says the most despised prime minister in history. Brian Mulroney's startling testimony at a House of Commons committee today stunned tax lawyers and bean counters at the Canada Revenue Agency.

Mulroney's rambling and conflicting testimony unearthed a few new nuggets that give insight to the shady character the ex-PM has become alongside his former business associate and tea drinking partner Karlheinz Schreiber.

While Schreiber insists he gave Mulroney $300,000 to bring German strippers to Canada, Mulroney says he was only paid $225,000.

And he rocked the committee room when he said the money was a retainer, but suddenly became income after Schreiber was arrested on an international warrant.

Mulroney even suggested that he might not have claimed anything had Schreiber not been arrested. He finally did pay taxes on the "income" years later.

Mulroney also testified that the salary of Mike Duffy, President Harper's chief spokesman on Conservative Television Viewing (CTV), is indeed considered an election expense under federal laws and must be taxed accordingly.

Nutty Professor Harper Now A Nuclear Expert

President Stephen Harper is now the Homer Simpson of nuclear physics in Canada.

The failed accountant and cat lover shocked the international science community this week in the House of Commons when he said he knew more about nuclear safety than the scientists who oversee Canada's crippled nuclear reactors. What the fuck?

The lesser President, of course, knows shit about science except for the fat content of a Big Mac and fries.

He showed his mettle on the nuclear file by allowing two bozo ministers - Gary Lunn and Tony Clement - to magnify the incompetence of his Republican Conservative government.

The Harper government inaction on this file has caused a critical shortage of medical isotopes, putting the lives of thousands of people in Canada and around the world at risk.

But there Harper was in full bluster and bull telling Opposition MPs that the Chalk River nuclear reactor should be powered up despite warnings from the Nuclear Safety Commission that Chalk River was a Three Mile Island waiting to happen if safety concerns were not addressed.

The bigger question is where the fuck does Harper get off threatening officials to restart a broken reactor - a knee jerk move that has the potential to kill thousands of innocent people living down wind from a potential radioactive disaster.

Harper is becoming one of the most vindictive and irresponsible Republican Conservative President's in memory.

There is a good chance that he will go down in history as the most despised PM in history, edging out his mentor Brian Mulroney.

Duh!

Santa Claus Says Harper A Failure And Sabatoeur

The jolly fellow in the red suit and white beard finally got it right this year.

Santa Claus and a bunch of elves (thank the lord John Baird is hiding on a beach in Bali) were making their way to the piss-stained cat mansion at 24 Sussex Drive this evening to deliver President Harper his Christmas gift.

Concerned about the North Pole melting because of the lesser President's disregard for the environment, Santa said today he is offended and ashamed at Canada's deliberate attempts to derail climate change talks in Indonesia.

So Santa and his elves plan to engage in non-violent, civil disobedience outside the gates at the mansion to deliver lumps of coal to Harper for his abysmal failure to reduce greenhouse gas emissions.

"I've made a list and checked it twice and it's obvious to me that Stephen has been very naughty," Santa said in a statement.

"In fact, he's been downright embarrassing to the people of Canada. All he cares about, it seems, are his friends in the oil patch. For that, this Christmas, he deserves coal. My hope is that he'll realize the error of his ways, and undergo transformative redemption."

Santa fully expects Harper's personal police force to intervene tonight.

"If Harper had his way there would be no Christmas," Santa said.

Baird Tells Canadian Youth To Fuck Off

Oh pity poor John Baird, the loud mouth minister responsible for hot air and global warming. NOT.

Reports out of Bali today show the incompetent minister was a no-show at a highly publicized forum because he was too chicken to face a Canadian youth delegation who had some tough questions about the destruction of the environment at the hands of President Harper's Republican Conservatives.

Baird is now at the centre of a political bribery scandal in Canada.

He is ducking and hiding. His daily evening strolls through the bars of Bali have all but ended. His early morning saunas with his special friends have dried up.

Why?

He's too yellow to face the music and answer questions about his role in the bribery scandal that will likely lead to the resignation of Ottawa's Republican Conservative Mayor Larry, Moe and Curly O'Brien.

Baird has become an international Yobbo. Keep up the good work in Indonesia.

Baird Goes Berserk In Bali

Minister of Hot Air and Global Warming John Baird flipped out in Bali today as word rocked the beach paradise of his links to a political bribery scandal back home in Canada.

Ontario Provincial Police Forwards O'Brien File To RCMP To Probe Role Baird Played In Bribery Case, read a screaming headline in the Ottawa Citizen this morning.

According to sources at the beach resort where Baird is hiding on the taxpayer dime along with President Harper's pint-sized fartcatcher Dimitri Soudas, the loudmouth minister responsible for patronage in Eastern Ontario had a ballistic shit fit.

As Canadian and international critics attacked Baird and President Harper's lack of commitment to fighting climate change, Baird attacked environmentalists who have rightly blamed the lackey for lying to the world about the Republican Conservative climate change plan.

Baird had the gall to blame environmentalists for Canada's dismal reputation on fighting global warming when he is fully responsible for making Canada a laughing stock on the world stage.

Meanwhile, back in Canada, the RCMP were salivating at the chance to get their hands on the OPP criminal file to see who else in the Harper entourage is linked to the bribery scandal involving Ottawa Mayor Larry, Moe and Curly O'Brien.

The provincial police investigation - which has so far resulted in two criminal charges againt O'Brien - alleges the mayor negotiated with someone federally to get Terry Kilrea a National Parole Board appointment if he dropped out of the 2006 mayoral race, which he did.

The cops have so far swooped down on Baird on two occasions to demand answers. Now the national force gets to put him under the bright lights.

That's a hell of a Christmas present for Canadians, who are tired of Baird, the same Mike Harris retread who sat at the provincial cabinet table when decisions were made to cut water testing in Ontario.

That decision, of course, led to the Walkerton, Ont., water disaster that left seven dead and thousands more sick.

And this loudmouth is now responsible for the national water supply.

Baird Bolts As Cops Close In

Minister Responsible For Hot Air and Gas Emissions John Baird was cowering behind a stand of palm trees in Indonesia today after the Ontario Provincial Police finally charged Ottawa Mayor Larry, Moe and Curly O'Brien with bribery.

O'Brien faces two counts, including one charge that raises serious questions about the involvement of key advisors around President Stephen Harper, including the loud mouth Baird - the world's greatest threat to the environment and thong use.

The cocky O'Brien invited cops to bust him on Friday, telling a city council that's about to toss him to the wolves for the cops to either shit or get off the pot.

The fuzz dumped a tractor load in his lap. Merry Christmas sucka.

The cops allege mayoral candidate Terry Kilrea was bribed with a position with the National Parole Board to drop out of the 2006 race. O'Brien denies any involvement.

The key question for the flatfoots to uncover is who in the Republican Conservative government of the lesser President Harper, a cat lover, could have made it happen.

Baird, an international spokesman for hair weave products an all-round climate change liar, denies being the federal go between. One wonders then why he is seeking asylum in Bali now that his pal O'Brien is looking at prison time if convicted.

President Harper's right-hand man, Doug Finley, and his left-hand, John Reynolds, also figure prominently in the bombshell scandal as does local diaper boy MP Pierre Poilievre, a Republican Conservative cry baby from Ottawa and long-time bag carrier for Baird.

Police Net Closes In On Baird And Other Trusted Harper Advisors

ONTARIO PROVINCIAL POLICE CHARGE OTTAWA MAYOR

(Orillia, ON) – As a result of an 8 month Ontario Provincial Police (OPP) investigation undertaken in March, 2007 at the request of the Ottawa Police Service, the OPP Anti-Rackets Section has charged Larry O’Brien, the Mayor of the City of Ottawa with 2 charges under the Criminal Code:

1. Pretending to have influence with the government or a minister, contrary to Section 121(1)(d)(ii);

2. Negotiating an appointment contrary to Section 125(b)


O’Brien was served by way of summons. His first court appearance is scheduled for January 9, 2008 at the Ontario Court of Justice at 161 Elgin Street, Ottawa.

The OPP Anti Rackets Section is a leader in the investigation of enterprise crime and provides specialized investigative resources to the OPP, municipal police services and government ministries including cases of economic crime, political corruption, secret commissions, identity theft, cheque/document frauds and health frauds.

Bad Hair Day For Layton's Loonies

Not a great day to be wearing lefty orange today. Actually, that applies to every day.

Taliban Jack In The Box Layton's party of poncho-wearers and carpet munchers was in a foul mood today after issuing two apologies in less than 24 hours for falsely smearing political opponents.

The party that can't shoot straight was mired in a communications disaster after
NDP House Leader Libby Beans Davies formally apologized in the Commons on behalf of her party of dimwits for spreading allegations that a B.C. Liberal candidate in the last federal election tried to bribe his NDP rival to drop out of race.

Davies said there were never any facts to support the allegation against David Olive. In addition to the mea culpa, the NDP paid damages to settle a lawsuit.

Davies' apology comes on the heels of an apology issued Wednesday night by Dipsy Doodle London MP, Irene Mathyssen, who accused a Republican-Conservative MP of looking at `soft porn' on his laptop in the House of Commons.

Turns out James Moore was pulling his pud while looking at scantily clad photos of his girlfriend, not some slut he downloaded off the Internet.

Layton's party has a long history of lying. Remember when Judy Washalotofsheets smeared Liberal MP Ralph Goodale in the income trust lie.

The NDP is pathetic. Hurry up Elizabeth May. Time to swallow these losers.

Conservative MP Springs Boner In Commons

So let's get this right.

James Moore, the Republican Conservative mouthpiece for the unelected Minister of Public Works, has been getting his rocks off in the daily Question Period in the House of Commons by salivating over scantily clad tarts on his laptop.

Who would have thought one could spring a boner in the erotic world of QP.

But we digress.

Moore's obsession with tits and ass did not sit well with Dipsy Doodle MP Irene Mathyssen, a bodice wearing sexless goddess who launched a complaint in the House about the perv across the way.

Mathyssen later retracted her complaint. Why?

Well it appears she had phone sex, er, a phone chat with Moore after the bombshell was dropped in the Commons and learned that yes indeed Moore sported a chubby on a daily basis while drooling over pictures of a scantily clad tart.

But, says Moore, the tart he was wanking too was not some cheap floozy he downloaded off the Internet. It was his girlfriend.

That's Okay then. We guess House rules permit male MPs to view dirty pictures as long as the photos are of their girlfriends, wives or mistresses.

The Pain would like to see what's on John Baird's hard drive.

Yikes.