How Do You Spell Stupid?

More dead head air space out of the White House North bunker today after a pack of sniffling Republican Conservatives spies had their weenies whacked and nipples tweaked for trespassing on sacred National Press Gallery ground.

Some bird brain named Ryan Sparrow, a party canary, again showed how tough life can be when a doctor drops you after birth, or President Harper sits on you for about six minutes.

Sparrow, another in a long list of disliked party doormats, showed his ignorance when asked why Republican Conservative party researchers were taping and filming Liberal Leader Stephane Dion during scrums after the daily Question Period.

Party staffers are not allowed to film or tape in the lobby outside the House of Commons. The area is reserved for journalists and not members of a party that does not believe in freedom of the press.

But we digress.

Sparrow whined that Liberals were behind the physical ouster by security guards of his colleagues from the scrum area.

"Obviously they (liberals) don't want their weak leader's comments on the record," chirped the parrot.

Let me get this straight. We don't want Dion's comments on the record. How fucking stupid is this guy.

Dion scrums in front of a microphone and TV camera. Every word he utters is on the record and filmed for posterity. Every day. All the time.

Can't say that about the Republican Conservatives. They run away from the media.

Republican-Conservatives A Pack Of Liars

President Harper and the wee fellow who goes by the title of finance minister have been criss-crossing the country talking about fiscal imbalances.

It strikes me as odd why the national press gallery has not called the Republican-Conservatives on yet another one of their lies.

Proof in point.

If there was a fiscal imbalance, then why did Quebec Premier Jean Charest use $700 million in equalization payments to hand out as tax cuts. Why? Because there is and never has been a fiscal imbalance.

It's a myth created by the shit for brains in the White House North bunker.

On top of that, Big Jim Flaherty and the Twins keeps mumbling that he has solved the Republican-Conservative fiscal imbalance.

If that's the case Jimbo, then how come you keep asking Liberals to acknowledge something that doesn't exist.

Because you made it up Dumbo.

A Desperate Jack Layton

Dipsy Doodle Leader Jack-in-the-Box Layton is urging the federal government to give tax breaks to people who file their income taxes electronically.

Layton says the move would reduce costs and help the environment by encouraging tax filers to reduce paper consumption, transportation costs and other waste.

He's also proposing that people use their hands to wipe their asses.

And he called on President Harper's Republican Conservatives to make it illegal for cars to have tires.

It's time Canadian drivers went back to their Bedrock roots," he told a news conference today. "It's time for Canadians to yabba dabba do it."

President Harper Walks The Walk

The worst way to start a weekend is watching President Harper walk home.

But in retrospect it was a good way to begin a weekend because of the hilarity of watching the lesser President march down Crichton Street last week with a full detail of Mounties in tow.

It was live comedy.

The trip home began when the pudgy President emerged from his motorcade of gas guzzling SUV's at the corner of Beechwood Avenue and Cricton in the toney neighborhood of New Edinburgh and began his walk-a-thon.

A pair of Mounties walked ahead and another pair trailed behind. Harper was in the middle all by his lonesome. Not even a cat to scratch.

Every time the President walked about a block the motorcade would pull out onto the street, catch up and park with engines running till the President again was about a block ahead.

The scene repeated itself all the way to the cat mansion at 24 Sussex Drive.

It was hilarious. Get a treadmill man. You are scaring neighborhood children.

President Harper's Lost Files

In their haste to pick the best offices at the Langevin Block after last year's election, wide-eyed Republican-Conservatives left a whole bunch of interesting crap behind in their rush to buy drapes, staplers and new underwear.

A gold mine of documents - 36 boxes in total and filing cabinets - were carelessly forgotten in what were formerly Republican-Conservative offices, otherwise known as the OLO (Office of the Leader of the Opposition).

The offices at 180 Wellington Street has proven to be a treasure trove of files for Liberals who were punted from their government offices and relocated in the former Republican-Conservative offices a few floors below.

It was a move that has so far paid off and, according to sources, will continue to pay off because of the nature of some of the sensitive forgotten files that will be sprung on President Harper during the next election campaign.

In one of the boxes, Liberal researchers found the "smoking gun" that alleges former Reform MP Jimmy Hart was induced into vacating his B.C. seat so Public Safety Pin Minister Doris Day could parachute into the riding when he was the fledgling leader of the Canadian Alliance of dinosaurs.

The RCMP are looking at those documents before determining whether a full-scale criminal investigation should be launched. The documents are new, and it would be very difficult for the Mounted horsemen to ignore them.

The Republican-Conservatives bozos also left behind dozens of personnel files - peformance appraisals of the likes of the lesser president's press secretary Carolyn Stewart Olson and a number of other present day politcal staffers and those who have gone on to the lobby trough.

Some of the job reviews were nasty, according to sources - so nasty that some of those appraised should never be allowed in the workforce.

It is unbelievable that the so-cons would recklessly leave behind files of this nature. Privacy issues come to mind.

If the minions around Harper now were so careless with the privacy of their own staffers, one can only imagine what would happen under a majority Republican-Conservative regime.

Fucking scary.

General Incompetence O'Connor

General Incompetence looked Canadians in the eye this morning and crapped all over himself. The he took a shower by pissing into the wind.

The former arms lobbyist did an abrupt about-face in the House of Commons after lying to Canadians for months.

Defenceless Minister Gordon O'Connor - with a yellow stripe down his back - was forced to apologize for being a General Embarrassment.

The hapless minister was strong-marched into the Commons - flags lowered - to say he was, uh, sorry, for being a colossol screw-up. He didn't have the guts to quit.

He had to apologize for misleading comments he made on the treatment of detainees captured by Canadian Forces and handed to Afghan authorities.

"I fully and without reservation apologize to the House for providing inaccurate information for members," he boo hooed.

The lobbyist also tabled letters correcting information he and his officials have provided to the Commons.

Last year, O'Connor told MPs that the Red Cross is monitoring the condition of detainees transferred to Afghani authorities.

However, his claims were contradicted by a Red Cross official two weeks ago.

"The International Red Cross Committee is under no obligation to share information with Canada on the treatment of detainess transferred by Canada to Afghan authorities," he blathered.

Why is this guy still in charge of tanks?

Harper Runs For Cover:Uses Cat As Shield

Some embarrassing moments for President Harper this morning.

After taking his cat, Cheddar, out for a stroll on the grounds of his cat mansion at 24 Sussex Drive, several Greenpeace activists arrived outside the gates of the leaking manor and demanded the President live up to Kyoto.

(They were also pissed that the President's Communist goon squad broke with democratic tradition by refusing Greenpeace and other environmental groups critical of the President's waffling on the environment access to budget lock-ups on the Hill.)

Harper, who has not looked into the eyes of a real Canadian since taking minority office last year,(he only speaks to partisan crowds), nearly fell over the cat when the protesters jeered at him before chaining themselves to the main gate.

Harper yanked the cat leash and lifted Cheddar right off the ground into his arms and scurried like a rat leaving a sinking ship into the mansion, using the feline as a shield.

"It was quite a sight," said a source on the PMPD (Prime Minister's Personal Detail). "The guy ran faster than Ben Johnson on steroids and the way he flung the cat off the ground was something to see."

The lesser President, who gave his best Richard Nixon impersonation of a profusively sweating President (I am not a crook), during a speech Saturday at a Republican-Conservative booty camp in Toronto, was resting comfortably after his ordeal.

Cheddar, meanwhile, pissed all over the carpet in the main foyer - his way of saying: "Leashes are for dogs putz."

Big Ass Uncovered

Conservative stalker James Murray sticks out like a bull in a china shop, especially when the six-foot-four dolt tried to hide among the Maples today to shoot film of Liberal Leader Stephane Dion.

The lumbering Murray, a pre-school graduate of Republican-Conservative slipper camp , was exposed as the boob he is when the cameras were turned on the Republican-Conservative stalker.

"It was beautiful to watch," said a witness to the comedy.

Praised was heaped on Liberal camerman Mick Gzowski who spotted a moving mass trying to hide behind some trees at a Maple Syrup farm in Mississauga where Dion was touring.

According to witnesses, the affable Gzowski - with his own camera rolling - strolled over to where Murray was yhiding behind a tree.

Murray, fully exposed, sees Gzowski coming at him and starts to walk backwards.

Then the knob aims his camera at Gzowski, but continues to flee. He finally reaches his car and races away like the sad sack spy he is.

Hey Murray. We know what you are up to amateur.

Trying to capture some unflattering shots of Stephane Dion to use in negative ad campaigns during an election or to give to your stable of wanking bloggers - yeah the same group that despises women and fondles themselves in their parents' basements.

Why don't you turn the cameras on President Harper.

And bring a wide angle lens.

Pope Pops Off

Pope Benedict XVI has confirmed that celibacy "remains obligatory" for Roman Catholic priests.

Are you kidding me.

Now tell that to all those Roman Catholic priests who, over the Ages, sexually assaulted little boys and anything else that struck their fancies.

The Catholic church indeed still lives in a warped universe.

How many of its "priests" are in jail? How many have been banished from the church? How much blood money has been paid to victims?

The RC's better get with the times.

Patsy Martin Sings The Blues

Republican-Conservative-NDP MP Patsy Martin should continue eating the mushrooms on Salzburg Island, where his home is even though he represents a Winnipeg riding.

The John Beard flagellant was speaking political voodoo today about the death spiral his party of poncho wearers has found itself in.

Martin, a chief prop for President Harper and a bum slapper of Beard, finally admitted what everyone has known for 46 years since the dipsy doodlers were born.

The NDP is a fringe player on the political landscape and has bored people "into some kind of stupor where nobody has any idea what we stand for anymore."

Things are so bad at the NDP, the party has enlisted the help of puppets to get its message out. Puppets.

Martin was so despondent about the future of the NDP, he shockingly suggested that if the dippers get the orange kicked out of them when the President forces an election this spring, they should consider a coalition with the Liberals.

Fat chance sucka.

National Press Gallery Cowers

Hard to believe the National Press Gallery has caved to threats from Canada's tired government that if Big Jim Flaherty and The Twins can't hold a news conference in the media lock-up room on budget day without opposition critics on hand to respond, future media access to anyone in President Harper's circle jerk would be denied.

The cow-towed Press Gallery agreed to the ultimatum from the PMO and have denied access to the likes of Liberal finance critic John McCallum and other opposition critics.

By giving the former Mike Harris beancounter a free ride, the Republicans will dominate Internet and broadcast news cycles for a couple of hours before the Opposition gets to respond. It's like Russia.

The Communist-like control over the national media should alarm Canadians.

What's worse is the national media can't stand up for itself and turtle every time a threat is fired its way. Cowards.

If the national media continues to be the rubes of President Harper (who thinks many of your are stupid, lazy and never check the facts anymore) then readers, listeners and viewers will continue to find alternative sources for the truth.

Viewers Turn Channel on President Harper

So President Harper plans to make a cameo on some dumb show about some dumb fictional place.

According to Hollywood Digest, the lesser President, a cat lover, is set to make a cameo appearance on the CTV (Conservative Television Viewing) show Corner Gas.

Of course, the dictator will blame the woes of small-town Canada on the Liberals, forgetting to mention his party's disdain for women, children, aboriginals, the environment, child care, lower taxes and a whole bunch of other issues foreign to Republican Conservatives.

Of course, the President will flub as an actor just like he has flubbed at leading the country.

And those who plan to watch the show will likely come away with some gas of their own. This doctor recommends changing the channel.

Bend Over Baird

President Harper is going out of his way to pump a lot of toxic crap into the ground as part of his scheme to tax farting and burping to destroy the environment.

The hapless dictator (move over Fidel) should give his head a shake and look at other alternatives to make carbon emmissions disappear.

He need look no further than his front bench of knuckle draggers to help solve the environment crisis.

For instance, Minister of Hot Air and Carbon Emissions John Beard could be enlisted to help clear the air of carbon.

How?

Just shove a huge pipe up his backside and start pumping.

Hey, if the lesser President wants to pump the stuff into the ground, why not pump it into Baird.

It's safer, cheaper and Rusty would purrrrrrrr like a cat.

NDP Lures Puppets To Run As Candidates.

Jack-in-the-box-Layton has stooped to a new low to recruit candidates to run for the dipsy doodlers.

The NDP has had difficulty finding PEOPLE to run for a party that lost its ideological soul years ago. The traditional support from unions has also faded.

Layton is a big city boy who would rather speak about "Big Ass" in Parliament than issues that once used to unite the party of poncho wearers.

But not all is doom and gloom.

The party has recruited a pair of puppets to carry the orange in the next election once the writ is dropped. That's right. Puppets.

Toxic Timmy, a recovering heroin addict puppet and Ms. O'Thelioma, a crackhead former hooker puppet, have been enlisted by the NDP as star candidates to save the party from the political wasteland.

Republican Conservative Dipper Patsy Martin and House of Commons benchmate Catherine Bell introduced the puppets at a news conference Friday in Ottawa.

After the howls of laughter subsided, Martin caused more fits of laughter when he suggested puppets always stay on message and don't eat much.

"Puppets make good candidates," said Martin, who lives in British Columbia but represents a federal seat in Manitoba.

"Like me they will bend over backwards when Minister of Hot Air and Carbon Emmissions John Beard tugs his zipper."

While Martin was praising his puppet candidates, the International Association of Puppateers (IAP) issued a cease and desist order to the NDP.

"We will not allow puppets to be prostituted in this way," the IAP said.

"Puppets have feelings and we feel the PEOPLE puppets already in Parliament, including the likes of Patsy Martin, John Beard, Fred Flinstone Kenney, Diaper Boy Poilievre and Doris Day, are doing a fine job of screwing things up.

President Harper Is A Limpwad

Even President Harper doesn`t deserve the title of president anymore, say the many of you who have angrily responded to Harper's lies and attacks on MPs and their families.

Thanks for the e-mails. I agree.

Harper is a prick who likes to destroy people with his smear and innuendo in the Commons, and then sends his mindless minders out to do the same in public.

He's a twerp whom nobody likes, has no friends and has a closer relationship with his cats then the biker thingy he married.

Whether any of the aforementioned is true doesn't matter.

If a prime minister is allowed to lie, why can't the rest of us.

Hey kids, start lying to your parents and teachers.

Follow the prime minister's lead. Don't worry about the national media. They don't bother to check the facts and write what ever lies Harper spews as fact. Shame.

Harper is the biggest liar (next to his American Idol George Bush) in the western hemisphere.

The dictator plans to turn back the social clock if he and his band of ass humpers every win a majority. Wake up Canadians.

Canada is already a laughing stock around the world thanks to Harper's lack of leadership.

One can only imagine what will happen if his Republican Conservative ilk win a majority.

Expect a name change for Canada for starters.

John Beard Source Of Global Warming

Minister of Hot Air and Carbon Emissions John Beard has become the lead polluter in President Harper's cabinet of muzzled seals.

The international spokesman for hairweave products and closets was caught gain last night pumping pollution into the environment while he dined at a local eatery.

The man who was at (or under) the cabinet table with Mike Harris when decisions were made to close water testing labs in Ontario that lead to seven deaths in Walkerton Ont., is notorious for his late night meals and cocktails on the public dime.

Last night was no different for Rusty. He was spotted at Baton Rouge, a downtown restaurant with a southern flare.

While the so-called environment minister was inside checking out patrons, his chauffeur driven ministerial car was outside with the engine running.

The car choked out fumes for two hours, according to sources who were also in the restaurant.

Guess Beard missed the memo from President Harper that warned all ministers to turn the engines off when the minister is not in the car.

Beard has been a huge embarrassment on the envir file as was his predecessor Run Rona Ambrose.

Turn off the car ass wipe.

Diaper Rash Causes Poilievre Outburst

The biggest baby in the House of Commons was reportedly doing well at the Children's Hospital today after being treated for a rash caused by soggy nappies.

Republican Conservative embarrassment Pierre Poilievre, a long-time bag carrier for Minister of Hot Air and Carbon Emissions John Beard, was last seen cowering in a hospital nursery after the Liberal Party of Canada served the thong-wearing pipsqueak with an intent to sue letter.

Poilievre removed his soother long enough to slander the party with wild accusations of extremist ethnic groups within the Liberal ranks. He delivered his preposterous rant on a right-wing radio station in Ottawa. Hence the lawsuit.

As the world knows Poilievre has been voted the most immature MP in Parliament. He has become a huge embarrassment for President Harper as the cat lover looks to muzzle the big-mouthed extremists within his party before he forces an election.

Even Republican Conservative MPs are reeling from Poilievre's latest outburst with some privately saying he has not only become a huge liability, but an embarrassment to Parliament, Canadians and the door jams who voted for him in an Ottawa-area riding.

"Someone should shove a soother up his ass," said one Republican Conservative. "He is unfit to be a Parliamentarian."

Indeed.